blog.McEagle.com

Welcome to the “Dead Zone!” Some know that I participated in helping to write one of the plots for a Dead Zone show. It was titled “Hunt for Osama.” Wish that it should be so easy to bag the old fart and put him into a 4×8x8. The problem seems to be as much two-sided disbelief as it is his insisting on moving around too much, too often, for little reason. I mean, let’s face it, do we really want to find this guy? After all, it’s the devil you know — right?

My Grandfather used to go out to the edge of the field every now and then with his .22 and pick off a groundhog or two, but he never seemed to hit the crusty old feller with the gray whiskers. I was only seven at the time and wondered why he never seemed to hit the big guy. I finally couldn’t stand it any longer and asked him one night; “Grandpaw, are you blind? When are you going to nail the big guy?” My grandfather looked at me and smiled; “When he stops leading all those little fellers to the same places to feed.” I don’t know, maybe Osama has a purpose. Maybe it’s time he became a martyr and his own folks took him out. So, if any of you are reading my blog…

Anyway, I am recovering from my surgeries and I’m coming out of this with very little of the pain I went in with, which is a very good thing. I am coming out of it with some keepsakes however, like the need for a walking stick (that’s eastern for decorative cane) and a light brace on my left ankle. The brace isn’t too bad. It’s constructed of carbon fiber and is hard as nails, so I should now be able to kick a soccer ball out of the park by hooking it off my left shin. The brace is also constructive, since it keeps me from falling on my face. The walking stick is in case my ankle fails anyway. Given what I walked in the hospital door with, I think I made a great trade.

Sadly, I must give up riding my Kawasaki Vulcan, which brings an ever increasing calmness to my lovely wife’s mind and spirit. No more slightly rising front-wheel off the ground, instantaneous jolts of adrenalin. No more 1/2 oz bug in the Adam’s Apple at 80 mph. No more yellow jacket up the sleeve, across the shoulder, and down the back of my Kevlar riding jacket. No more should I go left or should I go right, when someone pulls out of a side-street and stops in front of me — in the rain. Sigh. I’ll miss it.

If anyone out there is interested in an absolutely cherry 800-A 2001 Vulcan with less than 2500 miles on it, roll bars, riding lights, and saddlebags, let me know. Only $4,600.00. It gets somewhere between 38 and 48 MPG, depending on how you like to ride it — and you’ll have to pick it up. An extra $450 will get you the barely-used trailer as well.

I guess I’ll just be forced to hump around town now in my Dodge Magnum HEMI RT, with the leather heated seats, adjustable pedals, Boston Sound System, GPS, and Satellite. I got it for my back. Honestly, I did. I really did. It’s very cool. It runs on only four cylinders when you are cruising. If you watch how you drive in traffic, it always hovers between 1100 and 1700 RPM — 0 to 45 mph, and never goes over 2000 rpm on the open road — 60 to 75 mph. With careful fuel management, I average somewhere between 24.5 to 26 mpg. However…

Remember that guy from Star Wars, a heavy breathing dude, dressed in black — Darth something? Well, there truly is a dark side, and it lives in my right foot! Once in awhile, not often, but once now and then, when, well, you guys know what I’m talking about. A guy simply has to…well… I think it has something to do with a lot of extra body hair on the back of the neck or something!

What you get from 400+ horses is two solid black lines, a lot of smoke and a KAWASAKI on four wheels…and of course ZERO mpg.